Event

[das_yubel]

*Late in the evening, Yubel can be seen sat on top of the roof above Juudai and Asuka's apartment. For most people who live there, this tends to be a fairly common sight most nights.

She sits there, watching, waiting and mostly keeping to herself.

Though tonight the look on her face seems a little more troubled than usual.
Dare you approach her and see what's wrong?*

Comments

[danse_etoile]

... Yes. Something like that. And we start by. I guess. Calling a truce. Though... Do you remember why you felt so dedicated to him?

[das_yubel]

In our past lives we had a strong friendship. I cared for him deeply. Possibly... in love with him.
We were both... young, but he was destined to become the Supreme King, as he held the power of the gentle darkness that was our only saviour against the Light of Destruction.
He needed a guardian to protect and watch over him until he grew up and was able to use and fully control that power... so I volunteered myself.
I wanted to protect him. I wanted to dedicate myself solely to him.

When he found out, he was upset. He wondered why I'd go through with such a thing, but...
... he then told me that he would love me forever.

I do not remember much else, but, those words were what drove me when I knew that his spirit would be re-incarnated and I searched for what seemed like forever for us to be together again.
Maybe this is why I became as possessive over him as I was, when we finally found each other again. All I knew was I wanted to protect him, from everything that hurt him. I wanted to protect him from everything that wasn't me.
I just wanted to be with him. I wanted to experience the love he had promised me.

[danse_etoile]

... So the process of becoming what you are has made anything of the friendship, anything leading up to the act, hazy, at best? Hrm.

::Swinging her feet back and forth. Swing swing.::

[das_yubel]

More or less.

I mainly just remember him and my dedication to him... and why I chose to do what I did.
As long as he was protected, I did not care what I would become to ensure it.

I remember the procedure being painful... very painful, but I don't remember fully what it involved.

[danse_etoile]

...

I think you need to build up a sense of self, if you want me to be perfectly honest. Being there for Judai is good.

But. That's all there is. What do you even like, Yubel? Hate? Want? Dream about? Besides seeming to have delighted in reality warping for a time back when Judai and I were in high school.

I. Think. You're terrified of me. Because you've been stripped of any sense of identity. Except "There for Judai". Whoever did this to you and how they did it really didn't think things through...

::Rubs her face.::

Excuse my rudeness.

[das_yubel]

*It honestly looked like Yubel was going to argue back for a moment, but she stops long enough to consider what Asuka just said.
Her face gradually changes from angry to... a confused realisation, as the words sink in.

She slowly turns away from Asuka in order to look down at her own reflection in the pond beside her. What was looking back was the form of a monster, the monster she chose to be.
Maybe she really was terrified of Asuka, and maybe even the others in Juudai's life, because they had identities beyond one goal. Always evolving, always changing...
She thought back to Shian's words about being too used to the idea of being a 'protector' and nothing else and how she should just try and ... communicate more with others, to see where it leads.

Though most people would run from her in her current form.

But this was the form she chose to be. She voluntarily stripped herself of her humanity and individuality when she did and it gave her a deep and uncomfortable feeling to think of even wanting to gain even a small amount of that back. For wanting to learn and experience things beyond that. For... thinking she should change, as those around herself and Juudai change.

She slowly reached out and touched the surface of the water with a clawed finger, making the surface ripple.*

Is it... natural to feel guilt if you wish to do something for yourself, but all you've ever known is dedication to another?
Is it natural to feel like you are abandoning your position for even thinking that way?

[danse_etoile]

Probably? It's not a one-to-one. But. I think I get what you're talking about, albeit in a different way.

I felt... extremely anxious choosing to be a teacher over going to become a Professional Duelist. That I was somehow letting my female classmates down, by choosing something more... domestic? Feminine? Those are both wrong words to use.

But I was afraid I wasn't living up to the view everyone had of me. And it frankly kind of still does?

[das_yubel]

I see. So you felt fear for choosing a different path, over the path you felt others expected of you.

*She lets out a small sigh.*

I guess to help my own feelings of guilt and fear I should probably just... talk to Juudai about this, hm?

[danse_etoile]

Yes, basically, on both accounts.

[das_yubel]

Then I will talk to him, but I'll give everything we have discussed some thought first.

*With that, she stands up from where she had been sat.*

I will not keep you any longer, but...

...thank you. For being willing to talk with me.

This... went better than I expected it to.
I feel some weight was lifted.

[danse_etoile]

Same. ::Waves as you presumably do your thing and go.::